Hello, I’m grief. I’ve come to be your companion for a while. 

I’ll sit with you. Sometimes quietly, sometimes so loud it’s like screaming. Some days there will be a gentleness to my presence. Other days you’ll cry out for me to just leave you alone. You'll feel pain like you’ve never experienced, feel emotions that you can’t put a name to and cry a river of tears. 

You didn’t ask for my visit, but here I am. I’m here because you know a relative of mine, Love. I don’t exist if Love wasn’t here first. 

 You need me, even if you don’t want me. I am here to give shape to that emptiness you feel inside, to give a name to all you’re feeling. 

 I am not here to harm you, though some days you’ll pray for death to ease the pain. But it’s not me causing the pain. I am just reminding you of what mattered, the love you felt, what you lost, and hopefully lead you to what remains inside you. For a time, you will feel as if I define you. You will curse me, push me away, or try to drown me out, even scream with the pain, but I promise you this: I am not your enemy.  

 I am also not here forever. I will come and go. I will be like the waves on the shore, sometimes crashing into the surf and other times just a gentle ripple. In our early days together, I will roar so loud that I am all that you can hear. You will want to hide from me. But eventually my voice will soften. A gentle whisper reminding you of what used to be, of memories that no one can erase. 

 I will leave you feeling broken and empty, but my presence will also change you, shape you. You will feel like I’ve broken you into tiny pieces but there is strength hidden in the cracks I create. I will feel like a burden that is impossible to carry but as you carry me your strength and courage will begin to show. Your love of life will begin to peek through. 

So, on those days when there is darkness to your world, when the pain is just too much to bear, and you’ve cried a million tears, remember, it’s me grief and I'm not here to defeat you. I’m just here to sit with you for a while. 

 I am part of your story, but you are the author of its ending. When you are ready, you will let me go—not completely, but enough to let the light filter back in and remember that without love I wouldn’t be here. 

Lynn 04/03/25 

                                                             

I was asked by my counselor the other day how I think I have changed since my son died. I paused for a bit. That’s a hard question. But that’s what he does. He asks the hard questions. So, here are my thoughts on that. 

Love: 

Grief inevitably touches everyone's lives at some point. It is love, wrapped in pain and that pain is so sharp it cuts into your very being. It changes us in ways we never would have chosen but it also shapes who we are to become. Being rooted in love, grief shows us that the deeper we loved, the deeper we grieve. It teaches us to honor love, even for the ones that are no longer here. But just as grief shapes love it also shapes our strength. 

Strength 

I believe grief shows us a strength we never knew we had. We grow stronger just so we can survive. The loss of a child makes you think you can’t survive possibly don’t even want to survive, but you do. You must continue. You must go on both for the people that care about you and to keep the memory of your child alive. I think keeping Mike’s memory alive is what keeps me going, thus makes me stronger. It shows us we are resilient when it feels hard to even breathe. 

Empathy 

I believe grief also makes us more empathetic. We become softer to the pain of others, perhaps because we are experiencing such pain ourselves. We become better at seeing the struggles of others around us.  

Perspective 

Grief has also changed my perspective, I think. It makes you stop and think about even the smallest gestures and how precious those moments are. Things you took for granted as a constant become more important now that you know there is no such thing as a constant. It reminds us of the impermanence of life. It teaches us to be present in the now as we can’t change the past and we are not guaranteed the future. 

I think these are the biggest changes for me. I know it’s different for everyone, but one thing is for sure. Grief changes us, shapes us. We are no longer the version of us before our loss and must now reconcile to the version of us after our loss.  

Lynn